Why is life so hard sometimes? Just when we think that things are smoothing out, another curve is just a few steps ahead. Sometimes it seems like deadman's curve. If you aren't careful, it could destroy you.

I am feeling a mix of emotion right now. I am unsure of my future as far as my health issues, I am equally unsure of the future of a relationship with a former close friend, I am unsure that i can walk away from another friendship that is potentially damaging. I am unsure about taking a step out onto that water of life to take Christ's hand and trust that no matter what, I do have worth and I am beautiful in his eyes.

I want one person to know how deeply I regret what happened and the hurt that I placed on her.

I want another to realize that I dont' want to have them around as a temptation.

Yet another, to realize that I don't have to be pushed around and that I can be me and it doesn't matter what other people say. I have to be true to myself.

Alot of this has come from dreams that I have had recently. These "dreams" have been pretty disturbing to me. I know in my heart that GOD is carrying me through each day and each circumstance. With every tear, there is also a smile somewhere to overshadow it. I know that each time I look at my boys and Jake.

I know that each time I am with my friends who have not abandoned me because I messed up. I have found my two BEST friends through all of this and i THANK GOD FOR YOU!